Dat stoopid Alley! How dares he says I stinky? I not stinky!…am I? I dont finks I stinky, but I dont smells myselfs when I sleeps. Alley furgets he stinky sometimes, too. He leaves humongo stink bombs in da litter boxes all da times, and it stinkies up da bafrooms. Dats why I dont goes in dere anymore.

Maybe next time Alley calls me stinky he needs to remembers I can calls him names right backs. Maybe I calls him fats! It wouldnt hurts him to picks up some weight loss products before he gets so big he cant moves. He might be likes dose really fat peoples dat gets stuck in dere houses. Maybe he gets so big he cants get out his cat tower!

Holy crap what’s that smell?  I know it’s not me, and it’s not the baby, so it must be Bubba! He’s asleep in Mom and Dad’s bedroom, and it smells hoooorriiible in there! If I were Mom I’d be buying him a colon cleanse kit before it gets any worse. I don’t see how they can stand it!

I’m glad I’m not a bulldog. If I had bad gas like that I wouldn’t be able to stand myself. I’d have to walk around with one of those clothes pins on my nose all the time.

Oh brothers. Mommy’s in da bedrooms looking in da mirrors complaining about how she needs anti wrinkle face cream because she sees lots of wrinkles ons her face arounds her moufs and eyes.

What!?

I dunno what she’s talking about because I can’t even sees dem! If she wants to talk about wrinkles den looks at me! I covered in dems! So Mommy I dont wants to hear it. When you got wrinkles likes me den you can complains!

He had to run his big mouth (and boy is it big!) to Mom about me running away, and I got in trouble. She took away my catnip mouse for a whole week! It’s time to play dirty!

Little sister is still crying all night, so I think I might still go away for at least a week. I was looking at some montego bay vacation packages, and that place looks really nice. I’ve been dreaming of sitting outside of a restaurant listening to music and eating whatever free food gets thrown away. I could pretend to be a real alley cat for a while, and I could do it all by myself while Bubba is stuck at home listening to all the crying all by himself! It sounds like a good plan to me!

Alley is so crazy! He’s not gonna runs away! Who wuld feeds him and cleans his litter box? I know he’s not gunna gets a jobs, so dere would be no moneez for foods. Don’t tells him but I don finks he smarts enufs to ackshully hunts for foods. He needs Mommy to buys it for him at da store!

I dunno why he finks lil sister is so loud. I sleeps on my bed in da same rooms as lil sister’s bed, and she don keeps me up all night longs. She cries, but Mommy always takes cares of her. She gives lil sister foods and changes her diapers, and dat normally makes her quiet agains.

Besides Alley sleeps in his beds on da oder sides of da house! He can’t hears her all day way down dere! If he cans he just needs to ask da vet man if he can buys an over the counter sleeping pill for kittehs. Den he can stays here wif his family and he can still gets his beauty sleeps. If you asks me he didn’t gets enufs sleeps before lil sisters was borns because he sure ain’t pretty!